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One Side: Beth

At times she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my unease about the situation, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I spend assisting her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with another. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the details, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, giving her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not all people likes being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but companions support one another in small ways. I thought recording a short video here or there would be enjoyable for her. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She must to honor Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some real experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she’s working. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their friendship?